One In A Million Girl

Once again, sleep eludes me.

And I tell myself I won't do this, or rather, not to do this, because it isn't going to help with sleeping. But my mind always wanders, and sooner or later, it wanders to the past. I remember things that, I seem to have forgotten about until now. Amazing things. In my mind, at least. Things that, I never thought I would experience, yet somehow I did. And somehow I forgot. But maybe forgetting was for the better.

Because those things are over now. All those feelings are done, they will never happen again, she will never, forever, feel them. But they were feelings I wanted to last. That I needed to last. All those things she thought I would leave her for were all those things I thought she would leave me for. They were all the things that made me want to stay even more. Because above all else, they told me that she knew. She knew me. Or, she would. All I wanted was just someone who would understand. I found that, and I lost that.

This is the beginning of a very long and lonely life for me. I still have my family, my comrades, but what good do they do to the inner workings of my heart? If I can't even tell them? It's hard to get used to the thought that it will never happen again. That I will never be understood again. I'm not sure if anyone understands how hard it is to find a person like that in this world, and somehow I managed. But there are no more. It pains me, and it angers me, and it absolutely destroys me inside.

You know that feeling, when you are alone, and all you need is someone to hold you, but there is no one there? I'm going to have to get used to that. I imagine I will feel that way for the rest of my life.