The Paradox of Growing Up

I've never felt like an adult.

True, I'm sure I have plenty of time, seeing as I'm only nineteen, but I've been told I "am" and adult now. Is that what it is, a number? I'm not sure. I'm so used to be subordinate to anyone older than me. Its been that way for well...nineteen years. In college, or the workforce, I'm suddenly put on the same level (and possibly even a higher level?) as adults. I mean experienced adults. Or really, just everyone other than me. I don't feel like a college kid, I still feel like a highschool kid. Or just a kid in general. I feel meek and powerless. Just they way I've been taught to feel all throughout grades K-13.

So how does one "grow up"? Become an adult? Is it really a matter of age, or is it maturity? Now, I've always felt more mature than my contemporaries, more grown up in that sense of the word. But I still don't think that makes me an adult. I wonder, is it something that just comes to you, naturally? We all know how good I am with things that are supposed to come naturally. Will I just know one day that I am an adult? I'll suddenly wake up feeling like one?

This entry has a lot more questions than answers, much like myself...