I Won't Find The Answers

I feel like I have been such a fool. I gave everything away for a chance that things could be better. I fooled myself into thinking, that she was the one.

not because she made anything better,

but just because of the hope that maybe, one day, she would.

And I was stupid. Because I built all my love on a hope. That she could be what I needed. But she wasn't, she never was, nobody ever was. Nobody has ever made it better. And I get the feeling that nobody ever will.

Lovers Love, Liars Lie.

I feel like I am living two different lives. The one of the Earth and the one in my head.

I want something very badly, but I...I don't know what it is.

I feel like I am a certain kind of man, but nobody else can see that. And I'm so tired. I'm so tired of holding back and being something that I'm not.

But I'm going to keep doing it. There is nobody to accept who I really am. Nobody with which I can use my real voice. Nobody is going to reach out and break down this wall. So it will remain and I will keep my burdens to myself.

I don't even know how to act like my true self anymore, anyway. It doesn't seem worth it; doesn't seem worth the effort for integrity. This is the worst kind of despair. This is what happens when you lose hope. It is not freedom.

Nobody knows who I really am.

And I don't think anyone ever will.